I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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