girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
