if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Dignity is for republicans.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
