i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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