we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
