i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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