Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
