Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
