She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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