I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
