so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
