You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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