i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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