..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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