Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
