she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
We need to rekindle our bromance
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
