I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
