this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I deserve to be covered in dicks
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
