4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
