I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
