Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
