Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
