Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
