hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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