He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
BRING THE BAGELS
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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