their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
This baby is an asshole
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
