first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Jerry, you need to find god
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
