my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
