You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
