You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
