why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Be still, my beating vagina.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
