Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
