Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
