I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
