Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
