This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
