I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
