i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
