I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
