Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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