when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
It's just like the Real World with babies
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
