Can Purell be used as lube?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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