I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
