before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
