This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
