this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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