spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
