at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
