JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize