it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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