my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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