I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
