Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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