dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Still dying that you shit outside
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
