I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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