she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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