stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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