You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
