I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
