SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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