I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
