its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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