I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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