I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
