boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize