Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
