Kiss
Puke
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
