Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
