The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize